“but now my head is cold.”

“good. i hope it falls off.”

dragonwhisperer asked: I LOVE YOU FINALLY YOU WRITE WHERE I CAN SEE IT AND IT'S COMPLETELY LEGIBLE I LOVE YOU

REVERE ME

whispersintotheother-deactivate asked: GOOD GOD, OF ALL THE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD, MY BEST FRIEND FINALLY HAS TUMBLR. -rejoicing in song-

let the stalking begin <3.

the stalking has begun

AM I COOL ENOUGH FOR YOU

How to Not Write a Paper

Avoidance Tactics for the Distracted at Heart

   
    When life hands you assignments, trade them in for slingshots and pogo sticks.  Wary about making a worthy trade?  Fear thee not.  Within these few hundred crumbs of text, (hastily scrawled mere hours before due) the secrets of worthwhile dereliction of academic duty lie.  Pay attention, young wayward scholar.  Pay attention closely, for this may be the last time you ever truly do so.
    Good things may take time, great things apparently happen in the blink of an eye, but truly excellent things occur as substitutes for necessary tasks.  Many teachers suggest for their students to spend just twenty minutes every night working on their assignments, then - voila! - at the end of the week, the assignment’s complete.  This advice is partially wise and partially misguided.  It is indeed wise to chisel out a twenty minute block of time for structured activities in the afternoon.  These activities, however, will not provide emotional fulfillment if school-oriented.  The assumption of society’s projected identity for successful students does not bear joyful tidings.  Snacks, adversely, do.  Seven twenty-minute snack bonanzas every afternoon, in the name of each of the seven classes in the school day, will not only set you over two hours away from the dreaded completion of purposeless tasks, but will also bring you two hours closer to dinner.  Several snacks in particular come highly recommended: peanut-butter-and-anonymous-variable sandwiches; leftovers with other family members’ names written on them; cookies; and, a personal favorite, the Mystery Shake.  The ingredients and step-by-step preparation are entirely up to the consumer.
    The early bird may get the worm, but, realistically speaking, worms aren’t even good company.  The key to trading the synthesis of an impending essay for activities of commendable recreational caliber is to encourage others to do the same.  Form a league of chronic avoiders by coercing twenty to thirty close friends with baked goods and glittering promises.  If your grandmother’s allegiance can be bought or bargained, your league will be exponentially better.  Once a league is formed, a level of fun that surpasses even seven snack bonanzas begins.  In lieu of thirty sets of hands penning thirty worthless papers, thirty sets of hands can play fifteen games of rock-paper-scissors.  Thirty sets of hands can thumb-mud-wrestle.  Thirty sets of mouths can form a kazoo choir and play “Blue Moon” for a nearby nursing home.  Thirty clenched fists can ambush the local newspaper, demanding thirty handsome profile shots adorn the front page.  Thirty people can break or set fire to… well, anything, really.
    Take these suggestions as merely a neon skeleton for your own academic negligence.  Use hummus instead of peanut butter on your sandwiches if you’re feeling especially wild.  Try castanets instead of kazoos!  The world is a stomping ground for those who, when presented with “700 words or less”, choose three words at most.   

my teacher’s notes included: “over two hours of snacking? how preposterous.” and “there is a fine line between sarcasm and satire. this paper has achieved neither. your cavalier approach to this class is not helping your grade.”

i thought would serve as a fine introduction of myself to the wild world of tumblr. hello, everyone. join my league. let us wreak havoc from here to some impending there and all the places in between. that’s what it’s all about, after all. shenanigans, that is. it’s all shenanigans.

after birth, i took a deep breath and said eight words

“who else is ready to call it quits?”